General Zod in 2008

Ask the General Zod



General Zod

Q. Grand overseer Zod, Stem cell research could prolong and improve the health of many of your followers. It could also wipe out many of the annoying and deadly illness that will, and do, plague the masses. I propose a more, how do you say, evil? no, ah, unsound plan. Using stem cell research, and the human gnome program, create new humans with genes for unique strengths. Such as an army of people with muscle hypertrophy or the gene of regeneration from lizards. Things like thicker skin or perfect hearing and sight. The possibilities are endless. Remember don't just play god, be god! -- Jay
A. I have no wish to elevate the species on this planet to any sort of godlike status. Do you have doubts about the generous protection I offer you? Take note of your station in life, mortal!

Q. Mighty Zod: With trembling fear and anticipation I must confess that I have recently had improper thoughts regarding the magnificent Ursa. I therefore wish to submit myself to correction and punishment by her and await with trembling and anticipating the discipline to come. -- Gruntsplatter, Perth, Australia
A. Treachery! You take me for a fool, Mortal. Defaming the character of your future Vice President. That's a crime. The moment you have lewd thoughts and attribute then to Ursa, that implies revolt. You are therefore a leader of men, a revolutionary. You shall report to your leader, Lex Luthor, and he shall dispose of you as he wishes.

Q. My Lord Zod, May I humbly suggest the formation of a civilian wing of your new government. Perhaps "The Zod Corps, & Zod Youth" These programs have proved to be quite successful historically. They instill fierce loyalty with the young & deep fear among non-believers. Please allow me to offer my services and that of my children. -- your obedient servant, Scott Sullivan
A. A worthy idea. Yes, the transition into teenage years is an important time. It marks the beginning of a new stage of life. It is true that the young person is not yet fully adult and cannot vote at the ballot box. But with this physical growth the young person is fully capable of motivating oneself in the service of Zod. Hear me now, young citizens, here before yourselves and before us all, before your fellow mortals and before Zod, you will pledge to avoid the lazy, cowardly path that gave you gluttonous Congressmen and a waffling Presidency. You cannot legally kneel before Zod, but I command you: stand behind your ruler in loyalty and obedience, and you shall be fit to be my slaves for all eternity.

Q. Great Zod I understand the need to give our property and very lives to your noble self. Are we to retain a percentage to maintain our own miserable bodies the better to create more for you. Is it a set amount or a percentage, and if we take from others for you will this count to our credit? -- Gruntsplatter, Perth, Australia
A. Though I demand that you give all of your worldly possessions to Zod, I do not expect all mortals to immediately send these things. You may have the temporary use of your toasters, your Ikea furniture, and so forth, but you shall surrender the valuable trinkets, the gold, and jewelry to build up my treasury.

Q. I assume that asking us to kneel is to lead us in some kind of prayer. Similar to the neighbor boy telling us to 'get bent'. -- N. Flanders
A. Mortal, you dare renounce your own life and rise up against Zod? I have your IP. By the end of the week you shall be begging for your life. I shall dispose of you as I see fit, so hear me now, it is to your benefit to make amends before that time comes. Choose and consider your path carefully, human!

Q. Hey, Zod, dude - Last time I checked, the Constitution of the United States said you have to be a natural-born American citizen before you can be president. Your bio says you were born some place called Krypton. Well, I can't find it on any U.S. map. I bet there ain't no such place. Not in the U.S., anyway. Looks like you're screwed, man. Too bad. P.S.: Lose the beard. Makes you look like Lenin. Us Americans don't much like commies. - Bernie G.
A. Do you propose proof that I was born on Krypton? I don't think you can. My birth certificate comes from, well, shall we say, Laredo? I have friends there. The same ones who assist with new workers from Mexico. With that said, I challenge you to undo my citizenship. Yes, I, General Zod, was born in Laredo, Texas. Make no mistake about that! Swear allegience to me and surrender your vote!

Q. General Zod. The hatred of all sentient life forms was born into my feeble meatsack you so mockingly call a body, and I admit myself intimidated by your greatness. As there is no doubt that you will win and seal all humans in a never-ending cycle of despair and agony I was interested into what positions your administration offers. A sadistic and cruel mind such as myself could certainly keep the populous in chaos and fear in my own town, may I perhaps suggest that you create an army of loyal and dispensable subjects to fuel the black heart of your regime. If you decline this offer I humbly offer my services to be your loyal servant in any way, shape or form. When I bow to you I shall bow lower than any, and I shall die for your cause, or amusement, willingly and with the ultimate devotion. If only all could be instilled with your teachings. ALL HAIL ZOD. -Rendle Bosworth Australia QLD
A. Let this gesture of loyalty illuminate the way for all supporters of my Presidency! I shall tyrannize all Americans with mercy, and show my generosity with cold, calculating precision. Your vote for me shall change your destiny for all eternity. Kneel before Zod!

Q. Is it your intention to breed a race of super tyrants to continue the new order. Will we have to supply virgins? -- Gruntsplatter
A. No, this shall be nothing like that. I only demand your lives and your possessions. My immortality shall guarantee safe stewardship of this country without the need for rule by monarchy.

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