"You shall pay for your insolence.Defeated presidential candidate unleashes wrath at a traitorous America
You! And one day, your heirs!"
CHICAGO (AP) -- A furious General Zod lashed out at American voters Wednesday following Obama Barack's election to the Presidency.
"I come to you tonight to settle an account," said an enraged General Zod at his campaign headquarters, the Pump & Munch Diner in the Black Hills of South Dakota. Eyeing a jukebox playing Average White Band's "Pick Up The Pieces", Zod lifted the jukebox and hurled it across the room, frightening the 70 press members in attendance. The room fell into silence.
"You! You have proven to me, all of you," he said, sweeping a trembling finger across the room, "to be traitors. I was to step before you in January and become your new President. All I asked for was your allegiance! And all you own! All that defines you and your petty lifestyles! But I see before me that you have cast 65 million votes for this idol Obama and 55 million votes for the warlord McCain.
General Zod President Debate
Rating count: 1570
Rating: 9 of 10
"Consider those incredible votes for McCain. Look how quickly he accepted defeat. That from a former Navy officer. Unconscionable. You apostates voted for this man! And look at how Obama was up there talking about a puppy for the White House, when there is a wrecked economy to plunder and half our military fighting force overseas that could be brought back home for police duty. I would rather have the 1st Brigade Combat Team in Gainesville searching homes for illegally hoarded gold than doing guard duty in Iraq."
The maddened candidate, a former military leader on the planet Krypton, cast a savage look at the press corps. "I do not take treachery lightly. There shall be, shall we say, investigations in each of the states. There will be, shall way say, a recount in each county. There will be, shall we say, a private conversation with certain county commissioners."
"Eighty two votes you have given me. Insolence!" Grabbing a C-SPAN television camera, Zod peered into it and addressed the viewers. "America! You do not disregard your generals! You shall kneel before me," said Zod. "One day you, and then your heirs!"
Zod's plans are unknown at this time.
Citizen questions for Zod:
Q. Hey, Zod, dude, it's me, Bernie G again. Looks like things didn't go so hot for you on election day. In fact, it looks like we ended up electing the dude who was running on a platform that was EXACTLY the opposite of yours. You wanted to concentrate everyone's wealth in your pocket, and instead we elected the guy who said he wanted to "spread the wealth around." So my question is, if President Obama succeeds in "spreading the wealth around" like he says he wants to, won't it make life tougher for you if you come back and get elected in 2012? Or are you giving up on politics? -- Bernie G
A. I presume you are one of the traitorous impostors who voted for Obama and that you support this preposterous scheme. I will roast you all on the billet grille
! Spreading the wealth does not just create more of a challenge for me, but it spreads the shackles of conspicuous consumption and makes you more beholden to your Best Buy masters. Enjoy your opulent lives, for I will destroy it in 2012.