General Zod in 2008

NEWSWIRE from general zod

Kneel before Zod!
RAPID CITY (AP) -- The ideological and spiritual source of the "Kneel Before Zod" campaign is General Zod, outstanding leader of the national liberation movement of the United States. Reflected in the idea are the love of might and absolute trust in the ruler. General Zod embarked upon the road of revolution with the idea as valuable ideological and spiritual pabulum and mixed himself with the people to find a new road of the revolution. While in the Phantom Zone in 1979, he came to have the idea that one can win a victory only when one is responsible for the revolution in one's country and carries it out in reliance on the strength of one's people.

Zod inspects Army unit in Iraq
BAQUBA, IRAQ (AP) -- General Zod inspected the command of Third Brigade, First Infantry Division Thursday in Baquba, northeast of Baghdad. He dropped in at the operation commanding room to learn about the unit's performance of duty from its commander. He set forth the tasks to be fulfilled by the unit to increase its combat capability in every way, expressing satisfaction over the fact that its soldiers dedicate their own lives to their missions. Then he looked round the gymnasium, vegetable greenhouse and other places of the unit. Going round the compound of the unit kept neat and tidy like a park, he said that this vividly shows the proud appearance of the U.S. Army. Noting that in recent years the unit has done a lot of things in all aspects including the work to bolster its combat capability and its management, he highly appreciated its achievements. At the end of his inspection he together with servicepersons of the combined unit enjoyed an entertainment performance given by Jeff Foxworthy and R.E.M.

Do not watch treacherous exercise video
RAPID CITY -- The Campaign Organization of General Zod warns against viewing the YouTube video Bod by Zod, which was submitted July 12 by "CJ". With the stepped up campaign to deal ruthlessly with political hooligans, Zod has declared that this counter-revolutionary joke "flies in the face of a wise discussion on the future of this country".

German friendship committee hails Zod
MUNICH -- The Germany-Zod Friendship and Solidarity Committee (GZFSC) released an information bulletin on July 6 which praised the glorious revolutionary career of the President in its articles titled "The Kneeling Idea and the Whole Life of General Zod". The chairman of GZFSC referred in detail to the undying exploits performed by the General, adding that the immortal exploits performed by him before the country and humankind will shine long.

Picture of General Zod hung in Memphis Auto Zone
MEMPHIS -- A large picture of General Zod was hung in Auto Zone #481 in south Memphis with due ceremony. The participants laid tribute of R-134 cans and motor oil, and made a bow before the picture hanging near the accessories aisle. The manager said: "Cherishing deep in our mind the pride and honor of working at this Auto Zone with the great portrait of his excellency General Zod, we will invigorate our auto parts sales numbers and add lustre to the dignity and honor of the store. The future President will always be with us, and the friendship and solidarity between this retail crew and the General's administration will be everlasting." The participants then went to the parts counter for a refreshment of Dr. Pepper and Slim Jims.

Americans Urged to Maintain Strong National Self-Esteem
RAPID CITY -- The American nation has nothing to fear as it is inspired by the great military machine defending its dignity and sovereignty, said General Zod in a prepared speech delivered in Denver Monday. These are trying times. Graft and corruption runs rampant in the current administration. Your peacemaking expedition in Iraq is falling into ruin. Unemployment is soaring, masked by distorted measuring methods. The public debt is at astronomical levels. "I say to you: the 2008 elections are close at hand. Maintain your courage! Find your self-esteem. Your esteem preserves your dignity. It serves as a powerful mental weapon to see you through these dark ages. "The Americans live in factions, separated into red states and blue states, through the partition imposed upon them by exploited culture, cronyism, and gerrymandering. Yet I propose that the spirit of defending one's honor is still alive. "The nation of Zod will wield armed forces strong enough to defeat any formidable enemy. No force can match such invincible forces, the tremendous deterrent for self-defence which the American people shall build under the uplifted banner of Zod, with a will not to allow any aggressors to infringe upon the dignity and sovereignty of the nation in the least." The speech was met with thunderous applause.

Fidel Castro Sends Large Floral Basket to General Zod
HAVANA -- Cuban leader Fidel Castro, currently in seclusion, presented a large floral basket at General Zod's office on the occasion of the anniversary of the General's demise from the Phantom Zone. Written on the ribbon of the floral basket were letters reading "Highest tribute to my Eternal Ruler, emperor of the Planet Houston, from Fidel Alejandro Castro Ruz, President of Cuba."
Under instruction of future undersecretary of state Ursa, Castro paid a visit to Zod's office and laid the large floral basket before the portrait of the President, kneeling and paying tribute to him. Castro laid the sum of 2700 Cuban pesos in the provided silver platter.
The revolutionary leader, speaking of Zod as a brother-in-arms, hoped that he would always live in the hearts of the Cuban people. He expressed thanks to Ursa and Non for the most cordial hospitality accorded to the Cuban delegation during their official visit in Keystone, South Dakota. He stressed that the friendship between Zod's administration and Cuba would last forever.

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